Not Without My Daughter
By Christina VanGinkel
I first watched this show at about the time it was first released. I recall having little ones of my own and thinking how awful it would be if I were to be in a situation that I might be able to extract myself from much easier if I were not to have children. Similarly, if I were to make the choice to leave them behind, which I quickly concluded, I would not be able to do.
The movie Not Without My Daughter, 1991, tells the harrowing story of Betty Mahmoody's travel to and escape from the country of Iran. Betty Mahmoody is portrayed in the film by actor Sally Field, once the star of shows such as The Flying Nun, Mrs. Doubtfire, and Norma Rae to name just a select few. Alfred Molina stars as Sayed Bozorg Mahmoody, otherwise known throughout the movie as Moody.
In 1984, Betty Mahmoody made a decision that millions of wives make each year. She made the decision to go on vacation with her husband, Moody, and young daughter, Mahtob, but the difference in her choice when compared to the majority of wives making that seemingly innocuous decision was that she chose to go to the homeland of her husband Moody, the country of Iran, to Teheran. Then, as now, Iran as a whole was not known for its love of the American people, or its respect of the female herself, holding men in esteem above women, even referring to a woman and her children as the man's property. Like any culture though, thankfully there were those who had fond memories of times in America, and it was with the help of one of these individuals that Betty was able to get through this terrible time.
The movie shows her hesitation in going, yet as many young wives do, she chose to go to please her husband and for the fact that she would get to meet his family and revisit with his cousin and wife who they had as visitors in their own home in America. He assured her it would be a couple of weeks out of their lives, they would be able to do some shopping, and then they would be headed home. A doctor, he had lost his job though, and there were other warning signs that after decades in the United States, a trip home might not be just a quick visit.
Sure enough, almost from day one after arriving in Iran, Moody makes it clear that he has made the decision that they will be staying in Iran. Betty has also made the decision from almost the exact same time that no, she and Mahtob would not be staying. Getting out of Iran is a lot harder than she ever imagined it would be though. Moody has her and Mahtob's passports, but even if they had them, she is told by a woman at the Swiss embassy that they would not be of much help. The fact is when a woman marries an Iranian man, she renounces her American citizenship in the eyes of Iran and becomes an Iranian citizen, along with any children the two might have. So in essence, both Betty and Mahtob were Iranian citizens, in a land where men own their wives and children, asking for help from an embassy that they had no allegiance with, as there was no American embassy there to help her.
What ensues is a graphic story of Betty and Mahtob as they try to both live and deal with the daily life of living in Iran, going to school, studying the Koran, going to the shops, and being beaten when Moody believes she has stepped out of bounds. At the same time, Betty is forging ahead with any plan she can find to get her and her daughter out of the most inhospitable place on the planet she would have never dreamed to find herself in.
With the help of near strangers, a plan is formed, and Betty and Mahtob end up literally walking, even crawling and being carried out of the country through the mountains into the country of Turkey. This movie is worth revisiting in these times, especially as our current relations with the country of Iran have not improved greatly.
posted by Christina VanGinkel @ 5:41 AM
1 Comments:
I am intrigued by this story so much. When "Not Without My Daughter" came out in 1991, my grandparents and my mother and I went to see it at the movies. I was nine years old at the time and only a month earlier my father had left for Iran again, whom I didn't get a chance to see until 15 years later. Both of my parents and I were in the United States when I was six but they divorced in two years time. I relate to the characters of this story on many levels. I am now an Iranian American woman whose father is in Iran still and I only got a chance to see him 3 years ago.
Almost all Iranians took offense to this movie and particularly, the story. For the first time, at the age of 26, I read this book front to cover and finished it yesterday. Many of Betty's accounts brought tears to my eyes and it is clear that she is not lying or miscontruing everything. She may have a lot of indignation towards her husband's family as her inaccurate comments about Iranian hygene and eating habits indicate. The further we go back in time, we can attest to the fact that there are a certain class of Iranians, uneducated provincial types mostly, that were not keen on hygene or cleanliness. However, it is clear that Betty's description of them is an exaggeration and is CLEARLY not characteristic of Iranians as a nation.
As far as Betty's concerns about the environment in Tehran are concerned, we have to put everything in a historical context as well as the context of Betty's relationship with her husband. Betty tells us in great detail in her book that her relationship with her husband had long been suffering and she was scared of many things. She was worried that divorcing him in America would give him at least partial visitation rights and he would use those times to take their daughter to Iran. She goes to Iran in hopes of this not happening, but it backfires on her. The revolution made the United States a difficult place for Iranians to live. 25 to 30 years ago the United States was not as mulitcultural as it is today and racial slurs and discrimination were not uncommon. Betty makes it clear to us that her husband was harrassed by Texans, forcing him to move. Also, in her book, Betty takes an interest in Iranian food and decorations when she meets her husband and these are all before the Iranian revolution. She is never interested in Islam. The Iranian Revolution changed many Iranians outside of Iran who became politically active and Dr. Sayed Bozorg Mahmoody became one of those people. Clearly, Betty could not identify with him anymore culturally or spiritually. thirdly, Betty is not wrong in her observation of how some Iranian families, particularly traditional and religious types, are very much involved in each other's business to the point that it is overbearing. Afterall, two of her husband's nephews came to the United States and were not too considerate of her and spent extensive amounts of time in conference with Dr. Mahmoody ignoring her. Sadly, we cannot deny that such attitudes and behaviors have long prevailed among Iranians. She did have some reason to feel lousy about going to Iran to see them.
I am not appreciative of Betty's ethnocentric outlook on things and at the time when she wrote the book, she was in a position in which she could be ethnocentric, but we all know that it is not acceptable now in 2008 as I write here. Her account of there being cockroaches in the food all the time is an extreme exaggeration. Iranians are very clean about what they eat. An incident or 2 does not become the norm in Iranian dining. Also, she is wrong in saying that Iranians only like to shower before the New Year. This is inaccurate. It is fair to say that prior to the Iranian New Year, Iranians are particularly adamant about going the extra mile to clean and to cleanse and to perfect things, more so than they normally would. Public showers are a thing of the past and today they are mainly observed by older people in their late 70s and 80s who are still accustomed to it.
Most importantly, Betty accompanies her husband and daughter to Iran during the Iran-Iraq War. She is only comforted by the thought that is will be a 2 week visit. This raises questions about Dr. Mahmoody's intentions for those Iranians that wish to take his side and insist that Betty is lying? Though he claims that he wanted to serve his countrymen, injured soldiers, during the war, a noble cause, is it ethical to take one's wife and child to a country that is being bombed???? Something about Dr. Mahmoody strikes me as very atypical and this is evident in his claims in his documentary and as well as Betty's detailed description of him throughout the 10 years that she new him.
We Iranians cannot deny the fact that pathological lying is a norm in our culture and its roots are in the influences of Shiite Islam. Taghieh is commonplace and we are constanly in the habit of making empty promises and misconstruing or not telling the entire truth, if not elaborate lies. I know many Iranians will be angered by me bringing this to light, but we have to accept it as a fact. Betty comes across as a very upfront straightforward American woman and so I can understand how she has such a difficult time adjusting in a society that is not straightforward in terms how its constituents communicate with another.
Alice Shafaai became Betty's friend after Betty acquired her husband's trust and began to move about freely. Alice Shafaii says that Betty is lying because there is no sign of her being beaten. In the book, Betty meets Alice Shafaii long after she has learned to avoid beatings from her husband. So Alice Shafaiii needs to read Betty's book before saying she is lying because there was no sign of her being imprisoned or beaten. Betty never speaks disparagingly of Alice in her book and Alice needs to take things into closer consideration.
Also, Betty's description of streets and cities, and the trip through the mountains onto Ankara is so descriptive and real and verifiable by those who had escaped Iran through this route, that it cannot be lie.
Basically, lets face it, Dr. Mahmoody left everything in America overnight and stayed until his green card expired. Clearly, Dr. Mahmoody had intentions of remaining in Iran for good, but didn't want to break it to his wife until she was in a situation in which she can do nothing about it. I really empathize with Betty for having had to endure the nights were she could hear sirens and the explosions. Also what is important, is that she describes many factual events in Tehran at the time she was there. Apparently she was in Geisha with some of her husband's family one night when bombings took place and a birthday party was bombed. My mother, father, and I lived in Iran at the time and my aunt lived in Geisha then. The bombing of the birthday party near my aunt's house was something we were well aware of then.
Betty does elaborately describe the kind gentle selfless Iranians who do things for her with no expense. Clearly, she does not demonize Iran as a whole, but rather the oppressive face of the society and religious finatics. She develops a special bond with people in Baghalis and sabzi sellers whom her husband treats for free food items and her heart goes out to them when the pastars break into their stores in open daylight, take all of their produce, and put them out of business. These are the realities of the regime and what it did to the same naive people who thought it would bring about some good.
Again, I hope this sheds some light on the truth and helps us to see things as they are. Dr. Mahmoody says he has tried to contact his daughter but Betty has prevented them from contacting each other. Mahtob was between 5 and 6.5 when she was in Iran and so she clearly has a memory that can go that far. Interestlingly, "without my daughter" documentary was done in 2003 at which time Mahtob was either 23 or 24 years old. How is it that Mahtob did not choose to contact her father herself after turning 18 at which time her mother had no say in anything? If Dr. Sayed Bozorg Mahmoody had showered his little girl with only love and nothing else, she would at least have memories of it. Clearly, Mahtob has not taken an interest in seeing her father and there must be a reason for it other than her mother's depiction of him.
Betty, I hope you understand that it is not appropriate to generalize and describe Iranians, as a nation, as dirty and smelly and say that they all shower once a year, but I am happy for you that you were a brave woman with a brave heart and as bad as some Iranians were to you, you met some of the most beautiful loving Iranians and came to the conclusion as you mentioned in your book "that you cannot judge character by nationality." For those Iranians, who insist that Betty is bashing Iranians, read the book carefully from front to back before getting only insulted over "cockroaches in the food." Betty makes it clear that the American government did not take any active part in helping her and that it is only with help of the brave Kurdish men and the great men and women she meets in different places in Tehran.
I hope that Mahtob has gotten a chance to learn about Iranian culture outside of Iran and will later take an interest in the beautiful aspects of Iranian culture. She is about 2 years older than me and my heart goes out to her because I am also the product of a divorced family and my parents reside in different countries.
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