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Gosh, for once I don't even really know what to SAY...yes, this movie was THAT bad. I'd like to call it Failure to Entertain, Failure to Amuse, Failure to NOT SUCK. Or maybe Failure to Ever Transform Sarah Jessica Parker Into Someone Other Than Carrie Bradshaw. That seems most appropriate, actually. Let's begin, shall we?

This irritating little flick has a plotline as such: A 35 year old man is still happily living with his parents, and they've decided to do whatever it takes to get his loser butt OUT. It sure sounds hilarious, doesn't it? Sigh. No follow through on the storyline or the script that would make it so, though.

Matthew McConaughey is Tripp, 35 year old boat salesman living at home with mom Sue (Kathy Bates, whom I LOVE) and dad Al (Terry Bradshaw). Now, just leaving Matthew shirtless for a good portion of the movie and having him say things like 'cool' and 'bongos' should be enough entertainment for any gal out there, but sadly they left him dressed too much and made him into a 'playa' who is a serial dater that brings his girlfriends home when he wants to dump them. Apparently, we women want nothing to do with a man who still lives with his parents. Thanks for letting me know, I was unaware...a man living at home, saving money for a house and a wife? What a turnoff! Personally, I never cared...if a man lives at home and has no JOB, that could be an issue...but who wouldn't like to stay in a secure environment and have someone do your laundry and make your meals? Um, sign me UP, please! Tripp loves boats, sailing, and having fun...but Sue and Al want him to find his own place to live so they can enjoy each other again.

Enter Paula, played by Sarah Jessica Parker...she's a woman specializing in getting men to move out of their parents' homes using psychological techniques and profiles to alleviate this 'Failure to Launch' syndrome. Don't be fooled, though...she's really Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City with a new career and a roommate. I'm not sure if it was the script alone, or if Parker simply can't act to save her life. She is EXACTLY THE SAME in ever single role lately...blond hair? Check! Tons of makeup? Check! Quirky outfits? Check! Annoying squeaky scream when she's surprised or afraid? CHECK CHECK AND DOUBLE CHECK!. I spent a good portion of the movie wondering when Mr. Big was going to bust up this relationship or when Samantha was going to saunter in and sleep with Tripp's friends. Anyhow, Sue and Al hire Paula to pretend to date Tripp, get him to fall in love with her and move on with his life...and move out of their house.

Oh, the calamity and hijinks that ensue! Tripp thinks he's stringing Paula along but begins to fall for her, and Paula thinks she's doing a fine job but begins falling for him as well. Yawn. Most bizarre are all the animal related scenes in which random woodland and sea creatures attack Tripp in various ways. I still can't figure out WHY they're in the movie, and what they have to do with anything...and they look damn fake to boot. Senseless fodder, I suppose.

Tripp's friend Ace sees Paula out on another 'job' when she's having coffee with a client, and he plops down and finds out the truth about her 'relationship' with Tripp. Though she assures him she really DOES care for Tripp and that he's become more than a job, word gets back to him and he plays along for a while and then confronts his parents at a dinner with Paula. The happy couple is no more, and Tripp finally does leave and goes to live on a boat he has bought to restore. Of course, Paula gives back the money Sue and Al have paid her, and she decides to move back in with HER parents. You can guess what happens from this point...and if you're like me, by this point in the film you don't even care an iota and just want it to END already so you can go to bed.

The one highlight of the movie is Paula's roommate, Kit, played by Zooey Deschanel. She's adorable, interesting and entertaining...but even her character does some things that make zero sense.

Avoid this movie at all costs...maybe you need to have a date or something, so that you make out through most of it and only see the few funny parts (like Al wandering around in his 'naked room' after Tripp moves out). I don't know what the director was thinking, or the actors, either. Matthew, you're TALENTED! Stop remaking the same movies...Launch bears WAY too strong a resemblance to How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days. Believe me, one was ENOUGH.

I give Failure to Launch a Half A Monkey on my scale of 1-12, only because it got me a free rental when I brought it back to Blockbuster. Yeech.