Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)

Cowritten by director Adam McKay and Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is the story of a ficticious NASCAR driver, Ricky Bobby (Will Ferrell). In addition to Ferrell, the ensemble includes many cameos from former Saturday Night Live cast members, which would lead you to believe that you're in for a treat when you sit down to watch this one. A laugh fest, for sure...it has to be! It's not. It's so bad it...along with the string of other bad movies that I've seen lately...has made me change my ratings system from a scale of 1 to 12 Monkeys to the Eye Roll Meter: a sliding scale based on how many times I roll my eyes in exasperation during a film. The less rolls, the better the movie. This idiotic attempt at a comedy gave me a headache from all the rolling, and now I have to go out and buy more ibuprofen. Not good, not good at all.

I'd try and explain the plot outline...but there really isn't one, so that's not going to work, eh? We begin with Ricky's birth in the backseat of his father's car...dad Reese loves to go fast, and he's speeding along and passes the hospital. Ricky is a bit stuck in the birth canal, so Reese slams on the brakes to solve THAT problem and out he pops. Yes, I kept watching after this. No, I'm not sure why. Reese takes off and leaves wife Lucy to raise Ricky, who is obsessed with the need to go fast. Next scene is Ricky at about 10, in school...and it's career day. Though he isn't expected to turn up, Ricky has listed his dad as a speaker. Lo and behold he DOES, and this is the first meeting between the two. Reese's advice for the kids? Win at all costs, because 'If you ain't first, you're last.', a motto Ricky will adopt and live by for the rest of his life.

Ricky goes on to work for a NASCAR pit crew and winds up subbing for a driver one day, going on to place third and is hired by Dennit racing, working as a tag team with his childhood friend Cal and hitting the highest of NASCAR fame and making a fortune. He marries a woman who flashes her boobs at him during a race...Carley. Her dream was to marry a successful NASCAR driver. I just rolled my eyes again there. Holy cow, I didn't realize just how bad this movie was until I tried to convey my thoughts to you all. Wow.

Ricky is challenged by a gay French driver named Girard, who goes on to beat him to a pulp on the track and becomes the NASCAR leader. The gay character is perhaps the only truly amusing part of the film, as if you know any NASCAR fans they're often a bit less than accommodating of alternate sexual lifestyles. I may be stereotyping a bit, but I'm speaking from personal experience here...so if you know any open minded fans, good for them. The fans I know have balked at the entrance of anything other than a white southern fellow into the pack, so the idea of a gay driver in a committed relationship being accepted tickled me. Imagine people wearing his name on their jackets and cars. HA! I suppose that was the point of placing this in the film, but since not much else made sense I'm not really sure...and it's only SORT OF funny.

Ricky winds up wrecking and being afraid to race again, and loses his money, his wife, and everything else. He falls for his assistant, gets back in the driver seat with the help of his father, and everything turns out just fine. Yawn. I only finished watching it so I could provide you all with an accurate warning. And because I kept telling myself that it HAD to get better. It didn't.

I'm not a NASCAR fan, so I thought that a satirical look at the sport would be fun for me to watch. It is far from a satire, mainly because something must have some sort of intelligent content to BE satirical. This is...fluff. Fodder. Junk. They took every chance to slip in a joke, and to develop a repetoire of catch phrases in an attempt to be comical, but it just...wasn't. Every single scene falls short of any marker, and some are so dumb I wondered how they got in the movie and didn't stay on the editing room floor where they belong. The whole movie is like a Saturday Night Live sketch that goes long and not only stops being interesting but makes you cringe. This one went over by about...an hour and fifteen minutes.

Rowan's Eyeroll Count: 57, resulting in a rotten headache. Thumbs WAY down.